By Pooja Lakshmin, MD

I will get a small commission as an Amazon affiliate if you buy from this link, thank you for helping!
In Real Self-Care, Dr. Pooja Lakshmin challenges the superficiality of the wellness industry, advocating for a deeper, more meaningful approach to self-care. She emphasizes that true self-care is an internal process requiring hard work and self-reflection, rather than the external, consumer-driven practices often promoted in popular culture.
15 minute Summary
Dr. Pooja Lakshmin, a board-certified psychiatrist and women’s mental health specialist, critically examines the self-care movement in her book. She argues that the wellness industry often promotes “faux self-care”—quick fixes like bubble baths and juice cleanses—that distract from the real issues at hand. Instead, Lakshmin proposes a transformative framework for self-care that focuses on personal growth and self-empowerment.
The book focuses on four key principles of authentic self-care:
Boundaries, Compassion, Values, and Power. Each principle is explored through case studies, clinical research, and actionable strategies. For instance, she discusses how setting boundaries can help individuals reclaim their time and energy, while self-compassion allows for a more forgiving relationship with oneself.
Lakshmin also addresses the societal pressures that often lead women to neglect their own needs in favor of caretaking roles. By redefining self-care as a political act, she encourages readers to recognize the systemic barriers that contribute to their struggles and to take actionable steps toward change.
Notable Quotes
- On the Nature of Self-Care: “Real self-care is not a noun—it’s a verb. It’s an ongoing internal process that guides us toward profound emotional wellness and reimagines how we interact with others.”
- On Boundaries: “Your boundary is in your pause—you can say yes, you can say no, or you can negotiate.”
- On Self-Compassion: “Giving yourself permission to practice self-compassion is, in and of itself, an act of compassion.”
- On Values: “Values are our heart’s deepest desires for the way we want to interact with the world, other people, and ourselves.”
- On Systemic Change: “Real self-care is a powerful act of resistance against oppressive systems.”
- On the Illusion of Faux Self-Care: “Faux self-care is a sugar high, serving as an escape from the realities of daily life and moving us further away from our true selves.”
- On the Importance of Internal Work: “The real work of self-care is actually invisible, and it takes a really long time, and it’s not something that you can measure or check off a list.”
🔑 KEY TAKEAWAYS
- Faux vs. Real Self-Care: The book distinguishes between superficial self-care practices and genuine self-care that requires introspection and effort.
- Empowerment through Boundaries: Setting boundaries enables you to reclaim your personal time and energy. Living in accordance with other people’s expectations drains your energy and can lead to burnout.
- Self-compassion: Your mental health and well-being depend on building self-respect.
- Personal Values: Aligning your actions with personal values creates a more fulfilling life.
- Systemic Awareness: Recognizing the societal structures that impact personal well-being is vital for enacting real change in one’s life and community.
- The Role of Guilt: The author discusses how guilt often prevents individuals, especially women, from prioritizing their own needs. She encourages readers to recognize and manage this guilt as part of their self-care journey.
🤔 THOUGHT-PROVOKING QUESTION
How can you balance personal self-care with the demands of society? This is particularly important for women.
TakTake Action!
Practical Tips for Real Self-Care
-
- Establish Clear Boundaries:Tip: Take time to identify areas in your life where you feel overwhelmed or drained. This could be in your personal relationships, work commitments, or social obligations. Once identified, practice saying “no” to requests that do not align with your priorities or that overextend you.
- Actionable Step: Write down a list of your current commitments and evaluate which ones are essential and which ones you can let go of. Start with a tiny boundary you can set this week, such as limiting work hours or declining an invitation that doesn’t serve your well-being.
- Practice Self-Compassion:Tip: If you notice yourself being self-critical or feeling guilty about taking time out, stop and change the way you are thinking. Ask yourself how you would react to a friend acting in the same way. Focusing on a friend instead of yourself can help you see things from a new perspective, which can help you act with self-kindness.
- Actionable Step: Create a self-compassion mantra or affirmation that resonates with you, such as “I am doing my best, and that is enough.” Repeat this to yourself during moments of self-doubt or stress. Additionally, consider journaling about your feelings and reflecting on what you can learn from them without judgment.
- Align Actions with Values:Tip: Take time to identify your core values—what truly matters to you in life. This could include family, health, creativity, or community. Once you have clarity on your values, assess whether your daily actions and commitments align with them.
- Actionable Step: Create a values checklist. Write down your top five values and then evaluate your current activities and obligations against this list. Identify one area where you can make a change to better align your actions with your values, such as dedicating more time to family or pursuing a creative hobby.
Reflect and Reclaim Your Self-Care
Take a moment to reflect on your current self-care practices. Commit to making one change this week that aligns with your values. Remember that authentic self-care is a journey, not a destination.
Share your intentions with a friend or write them down to hold yourself accountable.
Take Action!
- Practical Tips for Real Self-Care
- Establish Clear Boundaries:Tip: Take time to identify areas in your life where you feel overwhelmed or drained. This could be in your personal relationships, work commitments, or social obligations. Once identified, practice saying “no” to requests that do not align with your priorities or that overextend you.
- Actionable Step: Write down a list of your current commitments and evaluate which ones are essential and which ones you can let go of. Start with a tiny boundary you can set this week, such as limiting work hours or declining an invitation that doesn’t serve your well-being.
- Practice Self-Compassion:Tip: If you notice yourself being self-critical or feeling guilty about taking time out, stop and change the way you are thinking. Ask yourself how you would react to a friend acting in the same way. Focusing on a friend instead of yourself can help you see things from a new perspective, which can help you act with self-kindness.
- Actionable Step: Create a self-compassion mantra or affirmation that resonates with you, such as “I am doing my best, and that is enough.” Repeat this to yourself during moments of self-doubt or stress. Additionally, consider journaling about your feelings and reflecting on what you can learn from them without judgment.
- Align Actions with Values:Tip: Take time to identify your core values—what truly matters to you in life. This could include family, health, creativity, or community. Once you have clarity on your values, assess whether your daily actions and commitments align with them.
- Actionable Step: Create a values checklist. Write down your top five values and then evaluate your current activities and obligations against this list. Identify one area where you can make a change to better align your actions with your values, such as dedicating more time to family or pursuing a creative hobby.
Reflect and Reclaim Your Self-Care
Take a moment to reflect on your current self-care practices. Commit to making one change this week that aligns with your values. Remember that authentic self-care is a journey, not a destination.
Share your intentions with a friend or write them down to hold yourself accountable.
Leave a Reply